Another Nearly Perfect Day

Despite having to bust our behinds to get to church on time today (darn time change!) we have had another great day. The stuff that weekends are made of. Yes, there have been a couple fits and we've had to raise our voices a couple of times, but the good has outweighed the bad, making it a great day!

After church we headed out to the park and got ice cream and Ryan rode his bike and I took a walk around the new neighborhood and we have company coming for dinner and - wow!! Exactly the kind of day I need in order to recharge.

 

Oh What a Beautiful Day

On Friday I posted about feeling old and crotchety. Well, yesterday was the cure I needed! It was a darn near perfect day from start to finish!

For starters, I didn't have to work so I got to sleep in and wake up when I felt like it and not when the alarm clock said to. Duane went up the street and picked up chocolate croissants and almond croissants for breakfast, which was a perfect treat.

The big thing on our agenda yesterday was to go get our taxes done. Now, I know you are probably wondering how getting taxes translates into anything close to a beautiful day - especially when I tell you that we had to wait for a good hour or more to actually see someone AND we had both the boys with us. Most of the time that would be a recipe for total disaster, but the stars aligned yesterday and my boys were little angels at the tax office. I have taken the iPad away from them for a nearly a week, but I let them have play on it while we waited. Wesley surprised me by declining his turn, preferring to read a book of fairy tales he had brought along. They even took played with a little 18 month old girl who was also in the waiting room and made pleasant conversation with an older woman who was also waiting.

Other bonuses at the tax place were that the man preparing our taxes was super friendly and funny. He made me laugh a lot, which I needed pretty badly. Plus we are actually getting back more money than we did last year! We may be able to buy ourselves bikes in addition to the new stove we were planning on.

The tax place we go to happens to be across the street from our friend's food truck and we could smell the fried chicken in the air! Mark was trying out chicken and waffles yesterday, so we decided to head over for lunch. The boys did the chicken chant and flapped chicken wings as we walked. Very cute. And the chicken and waffles were flat out of this world! My tummy was so so happy!

We spent the afternoon at home and the boys behaved themselves well enough that both Duane and I managed to take naps in the living room. I'm pretty sure I broke up at least one fight and sent the boys to their rooms while I was less than half conscious, but it was still a good nap!

The boys had a babysitter last night while Duane and I went to a game night for the adults in our church group. I had the best time I've had in I don't know how long. We laughed until tears ran down our faces and more than woman joked that they were going to end up peeing their pants. It was just one of those great times you wish wouldn't end. I really like the couples in our group and every time we do a social with them, I feel a little more a part of the group. We have actual friends in church now and to be honest, I haven't had that since middle school.

It was pretty much a perfect day!

39 Going on 80

I'm starting to feel old. Yes, I am aware that I am barely into the "midlife" years and not yet 40, but I feel old.

And grouchy.

What's making me feel old these days? A number of things really. Not really the aches and pains in my knees or back because I've been dealing with those for years. Not the fact that the vast majority of my friends are all in their 40s because I don't consider 40 old. And I know full well that in years to come, I'll be kicking myself for wasting time feeling this way while I was so young. But I'm telling you, I still feel old.

It's little things.

It's the fact that I drive a mini van and I love it. I love a mini van?

It's avoiding the lobby in the library like the plague between 3:30 and 5:00 because I just don't want to deal with all the middle school and high school kids that hang out there. I swear, if I had a cane I'd be waving it at them and yelling "get off my lawn."

It's planning summer vacation in March because I have to figure out what my kids are going to do all day while I'm at work (besides drive their grandparents nuts) instead of planning a fun summer vacation for myself.

It's going to a show at a theater I love and thinking to myself during a burlesque number that "She should really have more clothes on and I hope her parents didn't come to this show."

It's the sad truth that although I have always been an "early to bed, early to rise" kind of gal, I frequently go to bed by 9:30.

It's knowing I can't handle the noise level of my own kids most days and always telling them to be quiet.

It's understanding the appeal of mom jeans because of my tummy pooch. And don't worry, I haven't given in to mom jeans yet.

It's knowing that some of my favorite things to eat no longer agree with me and I have to plan when I can eat them, knowing I'll pay for them later.

Maybe I just have the winter blues. Maybe I just need to get off my behind and exercise, or at least start - again.  Maybe I need someone to call me "Miss" instead of "Ma'am." Maybe I need a stranger to flirt with me, at least a little, so I still feel like I can be invited to the party even if I don't want to go.

Now someone hand me my bifocals.

Date Night

Last night Duane and I had our first (and much needed) date night since before Christmas. Duane is fabulous about giving me time to go out with the girls, but a date night requires a sitter and I don't like to ask my parents too often since they watch the boys during the week.

What's really mind blowing is that we have TWO date nights this week! I know, we're living the wild life, aren't we? Last night we went to see a show with some friends and Saturday night we are doing something with the adults in our church group.

I had already told the boys that they were going to have a babysitter (not a grandparent) on Saturday night while Duane and I went out, but last night's outing was kind of last minute and my mom said she'd watch the boys.

As the boys were getting their shoes and coats on for school yesterday morning I made the comment, "Mommy and Daddy are going out tonight so you guys will have an early dinner today."

All of a sudden Ryan threw his shoes down and announced, "Then I don't have to go to school!"

What?

"Yes, Ryan. You do have to go to school. Today is a school day," I reminded him.

"No!" he protested. "You and Daddy are going out on Saturday night and Alexis is coming to babysit us on Saturday and I don't have school on Saturday, so I don't have to go to school today!"

I could kind of see where he was coming from, so I gently explained that we were going out two nights this week and he did, in fact, have to go to school.

And what did I learn from this? One, we need more date nights. Two, my kid needs a calendar. And three, never announce that Mommy and Daddy are going out when shoes are involved.

Not Getting a Kitten

I want a kitten. However, I do not need a kitten. I need a kitten like I need another kid. No kitten.

But a want a kitten. A cute little playful kitten. Like this one.

But let's be honest, it would make my other cats (and probably my hubby) look like this.

So, I'm not getting a kitten. And I'm going to keep repeating that daily as needed.

Bringing the Bowling Home

Ryan is officially obsessed with bowling since going to that birthday party on Sunday. Thank goodness for Wii bowling!  The sad thing is, he's actually pretty good at it.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not get so caught up in the beautiful weather one day that I actually half considered skipping feeding the children dinner and taking them for ice cream sundaes instead.

I did not get annoyed with Duane for eating his dinner without myself and the boys even though he was the one who had to leave the house early and the "planned" dinner was only reheated pizza.

There is no way I installed a new game on the iPad and handed it over to the boys so I could have some peace and quiet and do my own thing on the desktop.

I did not make giant double chocolate cookies instead of the giant peanut butter cookies I have been hungry for just because the boys requested the chocolate ones.

I did not buy some sparkly confetti nail polish just because Ryan insisted that it would look great on me.

I certainly did not burst into tears when the stupid quiche I was making for dinner flat refused to cook. And there is no way I married a guy who is incredibly understanding, cleaned up the mess and ordered me spaghetti and meatballs instead. And even if that all happened, I did not blame the whole thing on the old oven and not any lack of skill on my part.

Not Exactly Pro Bowling

Ryan went to a bowling birthday party today and had a complete blast. He loved bowling and he loved hanging out with his friends.

I think there will be more bowling in our future.

Another Update

I know generic updates are kind of a lame way to post, but sometimes I don't feel like there is enough going on to warrant full posts. And, to be honest, I have found that especially true on the weekends that I work.

So, here's another update.

• Ryan did pretty well at the birthday party he attended yesterday. I mean, he didn't really know anyone so he was pretty shy at first. He didn't eat any of the lunch because it was hot dogs and he doesn't like hot dogs, but he eventually came out of his shell and had a really good time. He's been talking about it nonstop!

• I must have given Wesley whatever illness I had the other day - and of course, he got it worse than I did. Poor guy didn't eat a single bite of dinner and still managed to throw up. At 7:00 he asked if he could put his jammies on and go to bed. Now that's sick.

• I wish I was a little more patient with the sickie. I can sit and snuggle with the best of them. I will get crackers and 7-Up for him. I can watch mindless tv and give medicine. However, I am not my mommy best when having to clean up after someone who is sick. THIS PART IS A LITTLE GROSS - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Wesley has been vomiting and has yet to successfully make it to the bathroom for any of these episodes. At least part of the deposit ends up on the floor somewhere. Instead of feeling bad that he is so sick, I get annoyed that my 7 1/2 year old can't get himself to the bathroom in time. I'm seriously considering making him carry a bucket! What kind of mommy does that make me?

• Ryan has another party today. This time with his classmates from preschool, so I think it will go a little more smoothly. I'll let you know.

Update Time

Good Heavens! It's March! And it's been several days since I blogged. Sorry about that.

Let's see, what has been going on in our corner of the universe?

• Ryan has been invited to two birthday parties this weekend. He is absolutely beside himself with joy, because it's the first time it's been HIM who was invited, not a tag-a-long with Wesley.

• Speaking of Ryan, when I dropped him off at preschool this morning, the little girl he has a huge crush on was walking in. He asked me to please get my phone out and take a picture of her. I said no, because even though they are in the same class, I'm not sure she knows he exists and it would be creepy and stalkerish of me to start snapping pictures of random kids.

• I was sick yesterday and it made me miss my Sanders even more than I usually do. When he was around, he stuck to me like glue whenever I was sick. It was like his kitty mission to make me feel better. There was an ache in my heart (as well as my tummy and throat) yesterday while I rested and medicated.

• It's time to plan summer activities for the kids. In addition to VBS, I think we are going to sign each of the boys up for a half day, week long summer camp. There is an additional art camp that I think Wesley would like and Ryan wants to take tennis lessons. We'll have to see what we can work out since my mom is going to have her other shoulder replaced this year.

• I was the guest reader in Wesley's classroom today. I read two of my favorite picture books and Wesley beamed the entire time. After I was done, I quietly asked Wesley if I did OK. "You were great!" he assured me. Awwww

Suess on the Loose

Tonight was Literacy Night at Wesley's school, which meant an evening full of Dr. Seuss themed activities.

Each of the boys won a book in the book walk and then did lots of arts and crafts.

Listening to a story

Ryan and Wesley's teacher working on a Cat in the Hat style hat

Wesley and Daddy working on the same craft

Ryan picked his own prize from the book walk

Ryan and Wesley making oobleck

Impromptu storytime with Daddy

 

But my favorite moment of the night had nothing to do with literacy. It was when Wesley asked his "girlfriend" to come over this Saturday afternoon for a play date. They just live down the street in our subdivision, so it's not like this is an event that needs major planning. However, Wesley sauntered over to the table she was sitting at, leaned on his elbow, and oh-so-casually asked L. if she would like to come over to play on Saturday afternoon.  I caught the moment with my camera, but it was even more adorable in person.

It just makes me laugh that even at this young age, his whole body language changes around L. According to L.'s mom, L.'s body language changes around Wesley too. Apparently she becomes "shy and swishy."  Awwww.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not get home after being gone most of the day and have a moment of feeling guilty that Sanders had been in his kennel so long before I remember that he is gone.

I do not like the snuggles that Ryan bestows after a temper tantrum almost as much as I hate the tantrums themselves.

I did not find chocolate muffins that list zucchini and carrot as the first two ingredients and are high in fiber. And even if I did find such a wonder food, I know I have not been offering them to the boys every time they turn around. And even if I do, it certainly isn't because I have very nearly convinced myself that they count as a vegetable.

I did not consider it my mommy duty to eat all the popcorn pieces Ryan decided were "too yucky." And there is no way it was because they were the pieces that were drenched in butter.

Someone Save Me

Duane and I took the boys to COSI for the afternoon. We had a great time figuring out some mindbender/brainteaser puzzles together, but at one point Ryan wanted a snack and Wesley wanted to continue to do whatever it was he was doing. Duane stayed with Wesley while Ryan and I hit the snack bar for a bag of popcorn.

While we were enjoying our popcorn and water, Ryan suddenly turned serious.

"Mom, please don't ever save me," he said.

"What did you say?" I asked, thinking I must have misheard him.

"I don't want you and Dad to save me."

I was thoroughly confused. "Save you? You don't want us to save you? I don't what you mean."

Ryan sighed. "You know. Take all my hair away. Save me."

"Oh! SHAVE you!" I laughed.

 Earlier in the day Duane and I had been discussing how Ryan would probably rock a shaved head/buzz cut over the summer since he hates having his hair combed so much. "Sweetie, if you don't want to be shaved, we certainly won't make you."

Save vs. shave. Actually, a very important distinction to make.

The Big D

The Big D. Which is not the same as just "Big D" - meaning my hubby. No, the big D would be a certain curse word. A certain "I'm afraid it is my go to curse word" curse word. The one I am most likely to accidentally say in front of my children. Yep, it's "dammit" or "damn."

Ryan dropped the big D while playing a game on the iPad yesterday.

"Ryan, that is not a nice word and I don't want you to say it," I told him. "Go get me a dollar from your piggy bank." We charge the boys for various infractions these days. I don't know how well it works, but the money has been going into a special collection at church, so at least some good is coming of it.

"But Mo-om! You say it!" he protested.

OUCH! I knew I should have watched my mouth after that driver cut me off.

"You're right I do say it sometimes, but it's not a nice word and I try very hard not to say it. I don't want to hear you say it again. And you still owe me a dollar."

Ryan paid up and went about his business. A little bit later he and Wesley were playing a game with some stuffed animals. Ryan had about four stuffed cats out and was naming them all.

"This is Every Cat, and this is Serious Cat and this Damn Cat."

"Ryan! You aren't supposed to say that word! Go get me another dollar." I said.

All I can think is "at least he used it in context."  I am such a bad mom.

Awesome Mom!

Who is able to have a hot breakfast on the table in less than 5 minutes?

Who volunteered to read to her son's class next week?

Who is letting her kids pick out paint colors for their rooms?

AWESOME MOM!

This morning at breakfast, Ryan said, "Mom, did you know there is a book called 'Chicka Chicka Boom Boom?" 

What a silly question to ask a librarian mom! Do I know Chicka Chicka Boom Boom? I considered that a gauntlet thrown!

I immediately began to recite the entire book from memory in my best storytime voice. Ryan just stared at me with a smile slowly taking over his face.

When I finished I said, "I bet you didn't know your mom was awesome like that, did you?"

"Well, I know you make awesome cookies, but not that you can say the whole book!" he answered.

The lesson here? Don't show all your parenting tricks at once. The other lesson? Four year olds are easily impressed.

Ice Day

No school for the boys today because of the ice that fell overnight. It's all supposed to melt today and the city isn't shut down or anything but the roads are pretty slick this morning.

Here's the thing about snow days in our house: they throw Wesley completely off his game. Most kids celebrate a snow day, but not Wesley. Wesley immediately started thinking about how he could take all his art supplies to Grandma and Grandpa's. I told him that was fine, but he had to carry it all himself. I even gave him a big plastic shopping bag to use.

Sounds great, right?

Wrong. Wesley got frustrated and mad because not everything would fit in the bag. He started growling in frustration and muttering how much he hated the day. He finally threw his arms up in disgust and yelled, "Fine! I won't take any of it!" I said that was his choice and went downstairs to make breakfast.

Breakfast was the cause of more frustration for Wesley. He didn't know if he wanted to eat at home or at Grandma's. He didn't know what to eat if he ate at home. He didn't know what to eat if he ate at Grandma's. The stress trying to decide brought him to tears.

I am happy to report that he did much better after he ate. He's always been a child that thrives on routine and I think waking up to find his normal routine thrown out the window was just too much for him. Which made it almost too much for me.

Kindergarten Behavior

We've been talking a lot about Kindergarten behavior in our house. Duane and I are going against the advice of Ryan's preschool teachers and registering him for Kindergarten instead of doing a year of pre-K. They said that Ryan is academically ready for Kindergarten, but he still needs to learn to control his emotions.

The thing is, with a new house comes a new mortgage and I'm not sure we can afford another year of preschool. Plus, Ryan is so excited by the idea of going to Wesley's school. They talk about it together all the time! I think he's ready in so many ways, but I know we still have work to do.

I think Wesley has his own idea of Kindergarten behavior though. Last night I heard him tell Ryan, "Dude, when you start Kindergarten next year, the girls are going to be loving on you all the time. You'll probably have, like, eight girlfriends" 

I'm thinking that will only be true if they go for the bad boys.

Thinking Warm Thoughts

I am officially fed up with winter. I am done with always being cold. I am tired of heavy coats and gloves and bracing myself against the wind.

I keep thinking about warm sunshine, swimming and iced coffee.

How many days until summer? Heck, gimme a nice warm spring and I'll be happy!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not forget whether I signed up to supply napkins or stickers for Ryan's class party and wound up sending both in just to avoid embarrassment.

I know I did not ask Duane to forgo buying me a Valentine's Day present because I loved the new (expensive) refrigerator we picked out so much that I figured it would count as a gift.

I did not ask Duane for kitten. And there's no way I was only half kidding.

I did not have one of my very best friends and her hubby over for dessert and spend half the evening grilling him about paint colors for our new house.

I did not have the boys get their pajamas on 45 minutes early in hopes that it would trick them into thinking it was almost bedtime.

Happy Baptism

My nephews Sho and Kei were baptized today. I couldn't be more proud of them, because they chose to be baptized at this point in their lives.

Wesley and Ryan attended "big church" with us today instead of going to Sunday School. They did remarkably well. Ryan's behavior was mostly due to Sho and Kei keeping him entertained and happy. Sho in particular is so good with Ryan. He's just such a kind kid.  Wesley sat with Daddy, Aunt Susan and Uncle Kirk. My favorite part was listening to Wesley sing the closing hymn. It was just pure joy.

Sho and Kei's baptism brought up a few questions from Wesley and Ryan. They were both baptized as babies, so they don't remember any of it.

"What does 'baptized' mean?" they asked.

"It means that you belong to God," I told them, trying to put it in the simplest terms. "Lots of people are baptized as babies, like you guys, but other people wait until they are older and they choose to be baptized. When babies are baptized, it means that their Mommy and Daddy are saying that they want their baby to be God's."

Ryan looked puzzled. "I thought kids and babies belonged to their moms and dads," he said.

So much for keeping it simple. "They do. But God gave you to us."

"Oh. I get it," he said, with a look that told me he really didn't. Guess I'll have to leave at least some of the explaining to the pastors. :-)

This Too Shall Pass

As we enter the food wars with Ryan, I have to remind myself (nightly) that this too shall pass. Wesley was a terrible eater when he was four and while he isn't exactly a glutton now, he will usually, and begrudgingly, try whatever we have made for dinner.

But Ryan is a different story. Ryan would rather go hungry for the rest of the night than try a single morsel of anything new - and by "new" I mean plain pasta or baked chicken. Mealtimes end with Ryan in tears and Duane and I frustrated almost every night.

Someday I'll laugh about this. But it probably won't be any time soon.

My New Love

Sorry dishwasher, you're old news. Two car garage, you are just part of the routine now. My new love arrived today.

29 cubic feet of French door, bottom freezer wonderfulness!!!! Ice and water in the door (once the line is run) and lots of built in shelves and compartments. It's pretty much the fridge of my dreams.

To paraphrase Dory in Finding Nemo, I shall call him Fridgy. And he shall be mine. And he shall be my Fridgy.

A Happy Valentine's After All

I realize my last post was pretty depressing. Sorry about that. Wednesday was an awful day for me emotionally. I was in a terrible funk and everything felt gray. Well, it did until a dozen beautiful, red, pre-Valentine's roses showed up for me at work. That certainly helped lighten the dark skies.

Any of you that know Duane also know that there was no way he was going to let me have a bad Valentine's Day, no matter how low I was feeling. He kept it low key, like I wanted, but he made sure the day was about us.

I came downstairs in the morning to find several wonderfully romantic cards (that he actually signed) and a big box of candy from a local chocolatier. Daniel, the chocolatier, makes amazing stuff and we got candy from him for our wedding night - and he remembered that! 

I got the boys off to school and myself off to work (armed with homemade strawberry/vanilla mini-donuts for my coworkers) and settled into my day. Duane sent me a link to a song on YouTube that he said really reminded me of him, which was really sweet. And he showed up at the beginning of my lunch hour, presented me with a yellow rose (my favorite) and asked if he could take me to lunch. We didn't go anyplace fancy - just to Cosi - but I get to have lunch with my hubby so rarely that it really was a huge treat!

After work, we headed down to the old stomping ground and went to our favorite Mexican restaurant. I love the place and I love that it was all families with young kids last night. There wasn't a romantic vibe in the restaurant, but there was love there all the same. Wesley and Ryan behaved VERY well and I got to have a big ol' margarita, queso and enchiladas. YUM! I ate until I was pretty sure my tummy would burst.

Duane made us a delicious desert of dulche de leche lava cake when we got home and after the boys went to bed, we watched one of my favorite movies, appropriately called "Valentine's Day". Yes, I know that it's supposed to be a terrible movie, but I really love it.

And that was Valentine's Day. No, it won't go down in the record books as the most romantic holiday anyone has ever had, but I smiled real smiles, and that is no small feat lately. I know that Duane will always be my special Valentine and I'll be his.

Dreading the Heart Day

Valentine's Day is tomorrow and if there was a Grinch for this holiday, I'm sure it would be me. I have kind of a love hate relationship with Valentines Day.  I love the idea of Valentines Day. I love the candy and the declarations of love. When Duane and i both used to take the day off work and spend it together, I really enjoyed it.

But I hate the pressure of it - of having to have this one big romantic day. Maybe it's because I'm  a grown up or maybe it's because I'm still grieving the loss of Sanders, but I'm kind of dreading tomorrow. It just doesn't feel like a holiday or really anything too special. The kids have their Valentines ready for their classmates. I'm planning a special breakfast for the kids that Duane and I are going to bake tonight after they go to bed and we're going out to dinner as a family at our favorite Mexican place that we haven't been to in months, but that's it.

I asked Duane not to do anything for me for Valentines Day because we just bought a very expensive fridge and our mortgage payment is twice what it was and I know it's a Hallmark holiday. I'm trying to be practical, but part of me is ticked off about it, and them I'm ticked off at being ticked off.

And yes, Duane is aware he married a psycho and is in a damned if he does, damned if he doesn't situation.

And every time I think of tomorrow, all I can think about are my friends that must feel like this holiday is mocking them personally, the friends who have lost their husbands or their children. Here I am grouching that the day doesn't feel special to me when I know they would give anything to spend one more Hallmark holiday with their loved one. Which just makes me feel more Grinchy.

Ugh. Can we skip to the 15th?

Retail Therapy

Last night was the first night in a week I haven't cried over missing my cat. And the sad truth is, I didn't cry because we were out choosing a new fridge and the fridge we chose put the biggest smile on my face I've had since closing on the house.

And that's been the highlight of the last week.

Sad, isn't it? When did I get so pathetic?

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I have not discovered that I totally eat my feelings - and that my feelings are made of carbs and chocolate.

I have not started giving a fingertip kiss to the box containing Sanders' remains every time I walk past it.

Color Him Green

I've been uploading a bunch of baby pictures of Wesley to a photo book site today. I want to make a hardcover book of each year of our family, rather than risk losing pictures if my computer dies again.

As I was looking through the pictures I commented, "Wow, Wesley! You sure were one good looking baby!"

Wesley didn't react at all, but I must have struck a chord with Ryan because he piped up, "But I was even gooder looking!"

Biker Boy

 

Best Brothers

Wesley and Ryan fight a lot like all brothers do, but then there are times like this afternoon when they are each other's best friend that just warm my heart.

Ryan and I picked Wesley up from school this afternoon and Wesley had a small bouncy ball he had gotten as a reward for having good behavior all week. He immediately gave it to Ryan. "You can always have my Friday prizes if you want them," he told his little brother.

I took the boys to get donuts for Friday treat. On the way to the donut shop, Ryan showed Wesley a new book he got today. Wesley helped Ryan read the words he got stuck on and encouraged him through all the pages.

At the donut shop Ryan picked out a donut with sprinkles and Wesley picked out a double chocolate one. When we got home, they sat at the dining room and traded their donuts back and forth, each getting a chance to try the other's treat.

The final bit of brotherly awesomeness came when it was time to choose a program to watch. Ryan had started a new "Sophia the First" earlier today, but got scared when it became clear that one of the main characters was going to get in trouble and turned it off. I told Wesley about it and he said to Ryan, "Come on, Ryan. Let's go sit on the couch and watch that 'Sophia the First.' There's no way you can be scared if I'm next to you!"

So sweet.

Coping

I'm writing this post with tears streaming down my face. I miss Sanders so much. Even though he was old and barely a shadow of the cat he used to be, I miss him. I keep thinking I see him out of the corner of my eye. I keep reaching down to pick him up while I'm at the computer or eating dinner because he spent most meals on my lap. I miss having him curled up next to me while I watched tv. I just miss him.

Tuesday I coped by taking some of Sanders things over to Cat Welfare. Surrounding myself with cats may seem like a strange thing to do hours after my cat died, but it was actually comforting in a way. Those cats were strangers to me and I could pet them and appreciate them without comparing them to my boy. I couldn't picture him there, so it was a safe place to be.

I've also been coping with food. Not ideal. Tuesday all I wanted to eat was carbs. Potato soup, crusty bread, bagels. Carbs carbs carbs. Yesterday all I wanted was chocolate. I even hit the vending machine at work before 10:00 AM to get candy. But by dinnertime last night, everything was starting to taste like cardboard. This morning I woke up and had to force myself to eat the muffin I bought and I didn't even finish my coffee. I didn't finish my lunch either, but I couldn't stop slamming the carbs again at dinner. And that pint of Chubby Hubby my brother bought me? 2/3 gone.

It's not so bad when I'm at work I guess, but mornings and evenings are just killing me. I still wake up and feel like I need to go take care of him before getting in the shower. I look for him all the time. I still have the urge to get up and give him his shot after dinner.

We found Sanders' special stuffed toy on the floor. We've decided to tuck it in the box with his ashes when they arrive if there is room. If not, we'll bury it with the box when we bury his ashes in the Spring. In the meantime it alternates between mocking me and offering me some comfort as I remember him batting it around the house and carrying it in his mouth.

I tried to go take a long, hot bath after dinner to help me unwind, but all I could think about was how he would sit on the edge of the tub or poke his head around the side of the curtain if I was in the shower.

I know some people think I'm silly for mourning a cat like this. But he wasn't just a cat to me. He was my confidant. He was like my first child. I've never met another cat like him and I don't think I ever will. Gus and Sadie are nice cats, but they aren't Sanders and they'll never take his place.

Is That Like Being "Kind of Pregnant"?

Duane and I both picked Ryan up from school yesterday in the midst of all the Sanders sadness.

Trying to keep things as normal as possible for Ryan, I asked, "Did you have a good day at school?

"It was a pretty good day," he answered. "Except for those two things that happened and when I ended up sitting on a chair by myself."

Um...and that's a pretty good day?

Remembering Sanders

I knew it was coming. My head knew that Sanders was 15 years old and sick and way too skinny. My heart, however, wanted him to live forever.

Sanders died last night in his sleep. 

Like I said, I knew it was coming. I asked my dad to check Sanders' kennel when he brought the boys home after school in case he had died. I didn't want the boys to find him.  I even warned the boys that Sanders was very old and not well and would probably die before too long.

But Sanders was okay after school. Well, as okay as he's been lately. He got up on the couch, which he has been unable to do. He climbed the stairs to the bathroom and laid on the bath mat while the boys took their baths. He and I snuggled up on the couch for about two and a half hours last night, watching tv and dozing in and out. When I went to bed a little after 11:00, I picked him up and put him in his kennel. He made a strange noise, but curled right up in his bed.

I knew though. After about fifteen minutes I asked Duane to please go check on him. Duane got out of bed, and went downstairs. Sanders was still curled up and breathing and doing fine. Still, I asked if Duane would check on him before going to work in the morning. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle getting the kids ready and dealing with everything if Sanders died in the night.

That's exactly what happened. Duane woke me up at 6:00 this morning and told me Sanders had died . He was still curled up in his cat bed, but had passed. And I've been a wreck ever since.

Duane has been an angel. He took Sanders (still in his cat bed), covered him with a blanket and moved him to the garage before the boys got up so they wouldn't have to see him. While I was in the shower he took the kennel apart so I wouldn't have to see it empty. He took the day off work to be with me, knowing I am in no shape to drive to or do anything. He called the vet's office and made arrangements for Sanders' body to be cremated. I don't know what I'd do without him.

So I guess this is kind of like Sanders' obituary.

I got Sanders in 1997 from Cat Welfare. I wasn't in the market for a cat, I just wanted to go in and pet the cats there. Sanders was in a cage when I walked by, he stuck his paw out, tapped me on the arm and meowed at me. That was it. There was no turning back.  I found out that he was about a year old and had recently been returned by the family who had adopted him as a kitten. They said he was vicious and would attack their kids. Anyone could see there wasn't a vicious bone in this cat's body and I decided he only bit the kids because they tasted like chicken. I dubbed him Sanders after Colonel Sanders and a 14 year friendship was born.

Sanders was 100% my cat from day one. He let me rub his paws and his belly and wear him like a scarf. He came to me when I called him and would perch on the edge of the bathtub with his tail sticking in the water while I took a bath. He saw me through the falling apart of my first marriage and embraced Duane whole-heartedly as his human daddy when we got together.

Sanders loved peanut butter, pop-tarts and popcorn - the three "p's" He loved beer too and would always lick the lip of the bottle when I was done drinking one. I usually saved him a sip or two.

He was extremely patient and loving. No one would resist my puma-boy (I always thought he looked like a puma). Not even the vet's office when he was boarding there. Everyone loved him and they cried with me when we took his body in today.

I called him my soul mate kitty. I will miss him so very much.

Super Kitty!

"I make even this look good!"

Kisses from the mommy

Time for a scritch

kitty mind meld

"I'm the baby!"

Sanders trying to show baby Ryan how to crawl

Napping with baby Wesley

Looking at things from a new point of view

Ice cream time

"You rang?"

Kicking back with Ryan

Sanders and baby Wesley in Wesley's crib

Stuff on my cat

Sanders and Ryan

"You said it was a baby bed."

My handsome boy

Look at those rabbit feet

Sanders and baby Ryan

Ready to go

Sanders and Santa 2012

My sweet boy

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not avoid the vending machines at work even though I REALLY wanted chocolate just because I didn't want to have to run the gauntlet of kids and teens during the after school hours.

I have not started checking to make sure my cat Sanders is breathing every time I walk by him sleeping in his kitty bed. That would be kind of morbid.

There is no way I have surpassed my step goal on my pedometer every single day since moving into the new house. I'm sure I'm lazier than that.

I do not feel a little guilty every time it snows because we have only taken the kids sledding once this year.

Long Term Bachelor

Wesley has quite the crush on L. from his class and lately he's been telling us that he is going to marry her.

This will be important information in a few more sentences.

This morning I asked the boys to come upstairs and pick out some clothes for church. I was in the midst of getting ready myself and was starting to worry a bit about time. Wesley started to fuss about having to do this one little thing for himself.

"Why can't you pick out my clothes, Mom?" he asked.

I snapped back, "Because I have to finish getting dressed, do my hair and make up, make all three beds and do your hair and teeth! The least you can do is help me out and pick out your own clothes."

"But I don't know how!" he insisted.

"Wesley!" I barked. "What are you going to do when you and L. get married? Are you going to make her pick out your clothes every day too?"

"No!" answered Wesley. "I'll know how to do it myself by then! That's not for like, 67 more years!"

The "During" Phase

Yesterday marked two weeks of living in our new house. It also marked the day our own "renovations" began. We are starting small - painting the bedrooms. And since Wesley's room had the lovely floor-to-ceiling floral wallpaper on all four walls, we decided to start there.

You have to look kind of closely, but you'll see what we were up against.

It took myself, Duane, and Grandma and Grandpa P. nearly four hours of scraping, but here's where we ended at 4:00 yesterday.

Next will come the patching and the sanding and priming and then we'll finally be able to paint it green. Yes, Wesley has chosen Incredible Hulk green for his room. We're going to do the one big wall green and go with a nice neutral on the others.

Still, it's a start at making this house all our own.

I'll Have What He's Having

You know that study that was done once where they gave some kids marshmallows and told them they could eat them right away if they wanted, but if they waited 5 minutes, they could have even more? Some kids waited out the minutes in order to get extra treats, and other kids just couldn't wait a second before digging in.

That scenario really reminded me of my kids tonight.

We had several errands to run tonight, so we ate a quick dinner between errands and before going to the store. Both kids ate pretty well and asked if they could have dessert.

"I'll tell you what," I said. "You can pick something out of the candy basket, or, if you want to wait, you can pick a candy bar or a cookie out at the store."

Yes. We have a candy basket. Doesn't everyone?

Ryan decided to wait because he wanted Skittles, but Wesley wanted dessert right away. He chose 2 chocolate coins and a Hershey kiss out of the candy basket.

Let's fast forward now to the end of the shopping trip. Ryan happily picked out his Skittles and was carrying the package out to the car.

"It's not fair," Wesley whined. "Ryan got to pick out something and I didn't!"

"That was your choice. You wanted to eat dessert at home," I reminded him.

"But Ryan's is, like, nine times bigger than what I had!" he continued to complain.

I sighed. "Tough luck, buddy. It was your choice not to wait and pick something at the store."

Sensing he wasn't going to get any further with me, Wesley decided to try Ryan.

"Ryan, do want to share your Skittles?" he asked.

"Nope!" Ryan answered through a mouthful of sugar.

And so began the brother bargaining.

"You know how I have 10 markers and you only have 8? I'll give one to you if you give me some Skittles."

No luck.

"I won't share my toys with you unless you give me some Skittles."

Still no.

"Ryan, I share with you!"  Total lie.

I swear, it was like Mo Willems' Pigeon trying to drive the bus!

Ryan kept Wesley begging the whole way home, but did finally share once we got inside. I think he just liked torturing his big brother.