Yesterday we had a staff in-service day at work. The morning was dedicated to ALICE training with the police department in the city I work in. ALICE stands for Alert, Lockdown, Inform, Counter, Evacuate and the training was about what to do if someone comes into the library with a gun and opens fire.
I'm not going to lie. This was really scary stuff. No one likes to think about someone opening fire on them or in a public place. Libraries open their doors to anyone, that's part of what makes them so great. But we open our doors to anyone, which is part of what can make things a bit frightening at times.
We knew we were getting this training and I went to it with a bit of a sick stomach. I was scared of how I was going to react. I was scared of getting shot. I knew it was important to be prepared and have a plan, but part of me really hated officially surrendering the idea of the library as a safe place, never mind that I've been aware of that fact for years.
For part of the training a police officer with an air pellet gun came into the the building to attack us. During the first drill we we just supposed to hide. For the second drill, we were supposed to barricade the room if that was possible, hide, or evacuate. Even though we knew it was coming and what was going to happen and that it was staged, it was nerve wracking.
Here's what I learned about myself yesterday. I am not going to be anyone's hero in an active shooter situation. I watched a staff member hold up part of a barricade so the others could make it to safety. That wasn't me. I saw another staff member keep an eye on the shooter and signal others when it was safe to run. Not me. I saw someone rushing co-workers towards the emergency exit while shouting, "Go! Get out! Go!" Not me. I hid and I hid well during one scenario. During another, I ran for the emergency exit so fast that I'm pretty sure I pushed someone out of my way.
Am I proud of that? No. Actually, I'm a little embarrassed by it. I've been telling myself it would have been different if it had been a real work day. If there had been kids in the department instead of adults who knew what was going to happen I'd like to think I would have reacted differently. But truth be told, all I could think about was not getting shot. And then I think about some of the teachers at Columbine, Newtown, Virginia Tech - some of those teachers were heroes. True heroes who sacrificed themselves to give other people a chance to live. I still don't know that I have that in me.
What else did I learn today? I learned to be aware of my surroundings and to have at least a rudimentary escape plan. Oh! And I learned that I may be 40 years old, but I can still squeeze myself into a little teeny hiding place if I need to.
I hope I never have to use the information I received at our staff training, but I am so thankful it was offered.
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