It has been a week of Mommy Guilt for me. Every day this week Wesley has cried and run away from me when it's time to get ready to go in the morning. Do you know how hard it is to get your child dressed and ready to leave by 7:30 when he has big fat tears running down his face and insists that he just wants to stay home with you? Rip my heart out, why don't you!I hate that I have to tell him that Mommy HAS to go to work and since he can't stay by himself, he HAS to go to Grandma and Grandpa's or Aunt Cathy's. I hate that he often wakes up and sighs, "Where are we going to today?" He's always fine when we get to where we're going, but getting out the door has become my least favorite part of the day.
Almost every day this week I have sat at my desk at work and fought back tears, thinking of Wesley crying for us to stay home together. At least Grandma H. lives close enough to the library that they can come visit - which they did on Tuesday when Wesley told her, "I miss my Mommy!" And he has called me at work too, but I know it's not the same. I don't know what's going to happen when I go to New York for five days.
I keep telling myself that if we can just get through May it will be OK. Because Grandma H. is having knee replacement surgery, I am going to be taking a fair amount of time off work this summer (a week in June, a week in July, a week in August, plus other random days) and the library will soon close for summer Sundays. I'm planning on getting a family pool membership and have all kinds of fun stuff we can do, we just have to make it there first.
I know this is a phase. I know it will pass. I know I should enjoy the fact that Wesley wants to be with me so much. But when he tells me, "I missed you so much today, Mommy. I had big tears all over my face," it's hard to remember.
2 comments:
This is so hard! In one form or another I think it continues forever (or at least until they are out of the house). I think when we are so emotionally invested in someone that the guilt is just a side effect!
Seems like one of his anxieties is just not knowing what to expect when he wakes up. Kid's don't know hte day of the week or "get" schedules and since your job has you trading in weekends depedning on scheduling it's likely even more confusing.
Have you tried anything super simple like: take a picture of his Aunt, a picture of mommy & daddy, and a picture of grandma&grandpa and put right on a board / his door/ next to his bed who he'll be spending the day with so when he goes to bed he knows and when he wakes up he knows.
Kids are visual and kids like to understand routine, right? Make that his new routne - betcha a $1 he has less anxiety in the morning around it.
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