Nagging Thought

You know how it is when you just have something nagging at you? When it just keeps replaying in your mind and it won't go away?  I'm kind of dealing with that right now.

As I mentioned, the school festival was last weekend and Duane and I spent most of the time running a game. For the last 45 minutes or so, a boy was hanging out at our booth "helping" us.  We both kind of know this kid since he is in one of our boys classes and in his scout den. I'll be honest, this kid is not my favorite kid on the planet. He's rubbed me the wrong way all year. Really, he's kind of a jerk to other people, especially in scouts despite his dad attending meetings with him, but I try to be nice to him. After all, I'm a grown up.

Towards the end of the school festival the principal starting announcing the raffle winners. This kid mentioned to Duane and I that he had put his name in for a couple of raffle items.

"I think I heard them call your name when I was in there," Duane told him. "You and your dad might want to go check."  We know his dad from scouts and had seen them walking around the festival together earlier.

"I don't know where my dad is," Kid told us. I wasn't too surprised by this since he had been hanging out with us for so long.

"Well, I'm sure he's around here somewhere," I said with a smile.

Kid looked out to the parking lot and scanned the parked cars. "I don't see our van anymore," he said flatly. "He probably left me here and went home."

It was weird because Kid didn't seem upset, just matter of fact.

I tried to laugh it off, "Now, I'm sure you're dad wouldn't leave you here by yourself."

"Yes, he would," Kid said again in a flat, emotionless voice. "He hates me."

"Your dad does not hate you," I told him.

"Yes, he does," the kid said, again with no feeling. Then he wandered off to check on his raffle prize.

I know Kid and his dad found each other before the festival ended and I know they left together, but the whole thing left me feeling....off.  Does this kid really, honestly believe his dad hates him? It seemed like he does and it broke my heart.

Like I said, I am not this kid's biggest fan by any stretch, but I know that his dad brings him to scout meetings and special events. Heck, he brought him to a school festival on a weekend. And yet, it really seemed like Kid believed his dad doesn't love him.

I have the hardest time wrapping my head around that. There are times I don't exactly like my kids, but those times are short lived. I love them desperately and they know that. I know they do. Even when we are mad at each other, and voices are being raised and doors are being slammed, they know they are loved.

Yes, I know there are kids out there who don't experience unconditional love from a parent or any other adult in their life. I know there are kids who suffer physical and emotional abuse, or who are homeless, or friendless. I know that my kids are some of the lucky ones. I just wish all kids could be so lucky. It's what they deserve.