This post is probably going to make me sound burned out and grumpy. I'm neither at the moment (a great vacation will do that to you) but it doesn't change the fact that sometimes I feel like I'm totally faking it. And by "it" I mean pretty much everything.
We all know I'm faking the whole parenting thing. Then again, I think most parents are. As much as I joke to Wesley about looking things up in the parenting handbook and checking my parenting contract, those things don't really exist, as we well know. I avoid parenting books like the plague - partly because I don't think anyone who doesn't know my children can give me real answers about anything and partly because I'm afraid I'll read one and begin to believe I am a horrible parent who is somehow doing permanent damage to my children. No thank you! I'll wing it.
I feel like I fake where we live too. It's no secret to anyone to knows me that I want to get back to the neighborhood I grew up in. So what do I do? The boys play soccer in the that neighborhood, attend school and preschool in that neighborhood, I hang out with my mom up there. It's all legit - no fake addresses on school forms or anything - but sometimes I worry that it seems I'm trying to be something or someone I'm not. Even our church is in a completely different part of town from where we live. We chose the church because it was the perfect fit for us, but still, it's no where close to where we live.
Amazingly enough, I don't usually feel like a fake at work. It's the one place where I feel I know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. It's not that I don't have stuff to learn - I'm always learning - but I love what I do and I work hard at it. But then I start to worry because I am so happy at work. A couple of my dear friends have recently begun new careers and I sometimes think, "Is that what I should be doing too?" They tell me the difference is that I have what I consider to be my dream job and they didn't, but still...
Does anyone else feel like they are faking it?
1 comment:
I believe that anyone who says they have a perfect marriage, kids and life are completely faking it! Did I ever tell you about the couple we knew who went on and on and on about how perfect their life was? Turns out he had fathered a child with a woman who lived across the street from them and a divorce came not long after. We are keeping it real woman! And of course you miss your neighborhood - I think that's totally understandable! You'll get back to it soon I hope.
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